I didn’t watch the Emmys Sunday night since I was at a family party to celebrate the birthdays of two cousins, but was well informed by Twitter as to the winners, the losers, the outfits, and what YouTube videos I would have to watch in the morning.

Aside from Jim Parson’s win for The Big Bang Theory, I was unmoved by the results.  Though I felt Lost deserved more recognition for its stellar 6th season, I wasn’t all that surprised it lost, and in most other categories, I simply didn’t care about the outcome.

At least this year the internet-wide consensus (and if the internet comes to a consensus, you know it’s true) is that the academy rewarded stellar performances, instead of simply handing out statues to names for the sake of the name.  It would be a nice trend to continue.

The nature of celebrity has always puzzled me. I’d love to claim I’m above it all, that I don’t care about famous people – and to a large degree that’s true. I don’t get starstruck with actors, they’re too commonplace in my neighborhood. Though I do like spotting them. (It’s like bird-watching.)

I admit that I love to know when actors are in relationships, but I attribute that to the romantic in me. I’d like to believe that I’d be equally interested in the personal lives of ‘ordinary’ people if I knew their sordid tales, though I probably wouldn’t.

Thing is, the concept of celebrity has got us all thinking that we know these so-called stars on an intimate level. I had a dream the other night that Alison Scagliotti from Warehouse 13 was my best friend. (Which would be awesome, because she’s awesome.) Why shouldn’t we be interested in who celebs are dating – they’re practically family! Simply because they perform on our screens, we feel protective of them, like we have some claim to them, and that causes a distortion of reality.

So it’s really weird when the line is blurred even more, and you actually transition from fan to friend.

Friday night I went to Meltdown Comics for a panel on Writing for Genre Television. I went particularly for the chance to meet Javier Grillo-Marxuach (or ‘Javi’ to everyone he knows) face to face. This is the man behind The Middleman, and a former writer-producer for Lost and Medium, among many other credits.

And he was following me on Twitter.

Not only was he following me on Twitter, but he’d added me on Facebook, and had written on my Wall! I couldn’t believe it. We’d never met; what made me worthy?

This Friday night panel was a perfect opportunity to meet the man face-to-face after a few internet exchanges. I wasn’t expecting much from the encounter – hopefully I’d get the chance to tell him how much I loved the show, and maybe name drop a few of my Shout! Factory co-workers.

Instead, I showed up to Meltdown early, and he recognized me. Though obviously busy, we stood talking for a minute – about my recent trip to Israel, of all things – and then another man approached. He and Javi greeted each other like old friends, and right away Javi introduced me.

“Ashley Miller, Megan Christopher.”

I shook hands with the eponymous Ashley Miller, assuming he was an old friend who’d come for the evening’s entertainment and support.

Until he sat down at the roundtable, and it was announced that he was Ashley Miller, writer for The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Fringe, and…Thor.

Yeah. That Thor.

So there I was, waiting for the panel to begin, thinking about the fact that little old me had just been introduced to a screenwriter as a peer, or at least a normal human being, when a man came up behind me.

“Anyone ever tell you you look like Megan Christopher?” he asked.

My jaw dropped, and I looked at him with all the incredulity I possessed. My first assumption was that this was someone I was supposed to recognize, an old classmate perhaps whom I hadn’t seen in over a decade, who had magically managed to spot me across the room and decided to take a reunion into his own hands.

“Well, uh, that’s my name,” I said, still flabbergasted. I didn’t recognize him at all, and I may not have been good at names, but I was still good with faces.

“I know,” the stranger replied. “I read your blog.”

Cue the funny sound effect.

“Are you serious?” I said, seriously certain he wasn’t serious. “No one’s ever recognized me from my blog before!”

As flattered as I was, I held onto a certain amount of skepticism, just in case this was a YouTube prank. But no, he really was a blogger I’d never met who just so happened to recognize me, the same way I recognized Eureka EP Amy Berg who was in the audience.

I think it was the approach that threw me so thoroughly. Has anyone ever told you you look like Megan Christopher? As if looking like me was something to aspire to.

And two minutes later, Twitter alerted me to an @ reply:

“Just @hollywoodjane at Meltdown.”

Apparently, I was so awesome, meeting me was worth tweeting about! This was all such a shock. I mean, I fully intended to be worthy of that sort of recognition in ten, fifteen years, with a couple of published books on my CV, but certainly didn’t think I’d done anything worthy of notice yet.

This was a wake-up call. It was time to stop thinking of myself as a teenage fan. If the last year has taught me anything, it’s possible to be a fan of something without having to take a submissive position. I’m approaching a quarter of a century on Earth, and I have to stop waiting for the moment that establishes me as a legitimate adult. I am an adult. And maybe, just maybe, I’m starting to leave my own mark on the world.

The following is what I would have Tweeted in the last eleven days if I had had access to Twitter:

@hollywoodjane  Saw an orthodox Jewish man at LAX with a hat case attached to his backpack. He wore a baseball cap. 11:28 AM Aug 8th

@hollywoodjane  Seem to have been placed in the kiddie corner on flight to JFK. 11:47 AM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  I’m fairly certain Adam Busch (Warren from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) is sitting across the aisle. 1:31 PM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  So weird to think this was only Part One of the trip – and the real adventure hasn’t even begun. 8:21 PM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  First casualty of the trip: my iPhone case. Don’t ask. 8:42 PM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  Arrived in NY. Retrieving baggage then onto the next terminal. 8:47 PM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  Apparently, in the five hours I was on the plan, my mother bought a car. 8:53 PM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  Totally got on the wrong train for the airport shuttle. Oh well, all roads… 9:25 PM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  Met up with my Kesher group. Two other Birthright groups are traveling on the same plane. 9:43 PM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  Got seriously grilled by El Al security. With a last name like Christopher, I guess my reasons for traveling to Israel are suspect. 10:04 PM August 8th

@hollywoodjane  Nothing is open in JFK after midnight. 1:42 AM August 9th

@hollywoodjane  The line to get on the plan is like the line for Space Mountain. 3:32 AM August 9th

@hollywoodjane  Am on an eleven hour flight with many, many shrieking children. 11:40 AM August 9th

@hollywoodjane  Arrived in Tel Aviv. 5:51 PM August 9th

@hollywoodjane  Had first meal in Israel. Cheese, tomato, and cucumber sandwich. 7:50 PM August 9th

@hollywoodjane  This morning, had to get off the bus with our eyes closed so we got the full impact of the Jerusalem view. 11:25 AM August 10th

@hollywoodjane  Walked and hiked around Jerusalem to get to archaeological dig site on the Temple Mount. 2:17 PM August 10th

@hollywoodjane  Sitting inside a mikveh (cleansing place)  in Jerusalem. 3:04 PM August 10th

@hollywoodjane  Sat on the steps of the Temple Mount. 3:49 PM August 10th

@hollywoodjane  Placed a note in the Wailing Wall. It reminded me of PostSecret. Still not sure what to think. 4:47 PM August 10th

@hollywoodjane  Visited the Hebrew Union College and tried desperately to stay awake with minimum success. 6:55 PM August 10th

@hollywoodjane  Saw a poster from the bus announcing the death of a rabbi. It included information on when the family would be sitting shiva. 9:03 PM August 10th

@hollywoodjane  At Yad Vashem, the Holocaust museum. 11:16 AM August 11th

@hollywoodjane  Had such a physical reaction to Yad Vashem, my legs turned to jelly. Broke down completely in the Hall of Names. 2:35 PM August 11th

@hollywoodjane  I am the sixth candle. 3:03 PM August 11th

@hollywoodjane  Had my first falafel then gelato on Ben Yehuda Street. Yum! 5:13 PM August 11th

@hollywoodjane  Waiting to welcome the Israeli soldiers and students who will be joining our trip. 11:12 AM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  My back is a little sore from hauling rocks in a Jerusalem community garden yesterday. Felt accomplished and ate handmade pita, dipped in olive oil with zatar. 11:13 AM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  We’re playing Top Chef: Israel today at the market at Mahane Yehuda. 1:05 PM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  Drank a juice that’s supposed to help me get a boyfriend, tasted a fig, and gathered picnic ingredients at the shuk. 1:49 PM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  Our team invented a new dessert: the Israeli Donut Parfait – a donut sliced in half, covered in vanilla pudding, chalva, dried strawberries, cranberries, and figs! 4:04 PM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  We also made a hummus and tabouli laffa wrap – so good! 4:05 PM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  Three hour bus ride into the Negev Desert is nearing its end. Then we ride camels into the sunset. 5:31 PM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  On a camel! 5:57 PM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  Just got a sales pitch for our host’s CD during bedouin hospitality. 7:36 PM August 12th

@hollywoodjane  Slept in a tent. Less sleeping than lying awake with sinus problems 5:08 AM August 13th

@hollywoodjane  Woke up at 4 AM and climbed Mount Masada (or Metzada) an hour later. Double rainbow, all the way! 6:07 AM August 13th

@hollywoodjane  After climbing to the top of Metzada, we crawled all over it learning about crazy King Herod and the Zealots. 6:56 AM August 13th

@hollywoodjane  When our guide Oshrit isn’t sure of an English word, she always asks permission, like, “Can I say this?” rather than asking if the word is correct. 7:02 AM August 13th

@hollywoodjane  Yelled at a mountain in Hebrew. It produced the most amazing echo that rippled across the desert. 7:48 AM August 13th

@hollywoodjane  Had a meltdown while struggling down the steep, slippery Snake Path from Metzada. Felt better when we visited the Ein Gedi oasis and swam in a waterfall. 3:26 PM August 13th

@hollywoodjane  Floated on the Dead Sea. Strange sensation, and not nearly as painful as I was expecting. 4:09 PM August 13th

@hollywoodjane  Crashed out directly after Shabbat services last night, and slept for *14* hours last night. 12:42 PM August 14th

@hollywoodjane  Had a lovely Havdalah service in Jerusalem’s Independence Park. 7:01 PM August 14th

@hollywoodjane  Today was the day of rest, and part of it was spent talking with Seth about our traumatic post-Masada experience. 7:03 PM August 14th

@hollywoodjane  In a crowded Israeli nightclub, not drinking. Inhaling cigarette smoke. 11:45 PM August 14th

@hollywoodjane  A song played in the club has the chorus, ‘Murder – murder she wrote.’ 12:21 AM August 15th

@hollywoodjane  Can’t believe I found a Coffee Bean in Jerusalem and I’m not allowed to go to it. 7:52 AM August 15th

@hollywoodjane  I have never wanted bacon so badly before in my life. 7:59 AM August 15th

@hollywoodjane  I think the number of smokers on this trip increases exponentially with each stop. 10:40 AM August 15th

@hollywoodjane  Visiting Mount Hertzl memorial cemetery. Saw Yitzak Rabin’s monument. 12:20 PM August 15th

@hollywoodjane  Lunch was a slice of pizza at an Israeli mall. Highlight: the synagogue next to the kosher McDonald’s. 3:26 PM August 15th

@hollywoodjane  Three hour drive north to Tiberius last night, followed by a really interesting post-dinner discussion about Jewish identity in the States. 10:29 AM August 16th

@hollywoodjane  Driving further north to a spot in the Golan Heights where we can shout hello to Syrians. 10:30 AM August 16th

@hollywoodjane  About to watch a movie about Jewish settlers on a kibbutz. 1:39 PM August 16th

@hollywoodjane  I am covered in bug bites! 4:11 PM August 16th

@hollywoodjane  Had to say goodbye to our Israeli friends. Really wish I’d had the guts to ask more questions. 4:12 PM August 16th

@hollywoodjane  Saw a sign for ‘Horeshat Tal.’ Tee hee hee. 6:04 PM August 16th

@hollywoodjane  Went kayaking on the Jordan River. Didn’t enjoy it at the time, but it was cool in retrospect. Would have been more fun if it wasn’t so painful for my shoulder. 9:01 PM August 16th

@hollywoodjane  Feel much better after a call home and a call from friend in Tel Aviv. Also had a bonding moment with my roomies over French braids. @10:49 PM August 16th

@hollywoodjane  At Kinneret Cemetery to learn about settlers from the Second Aliyah. 9:53 AM August 17th

@hollywoodjane  In Tzfat, the center of Kabbalah. 1:20 PM August 17th

@hollywoodjane  Bought a beautiful copper mezuzah. I even haggled a bit for it. 6:10 PM August 17th

@hollywoodjane  It was just announced that we’re going to some stranger’s 2000+ person party in Tel Aviv tonight. Basically, my worst nightmare. 6:11 PM August 17th

@hollywoodjane  In Tel Aviv hostel that’s nicer than previous hotels. 7:27 PM August 17th

@hollywoodjane  Heading to the Port – gonna meet up with an old friend! 9:34 PM August 17th

@hollywoodjane  Despite the humidity, had a wonderful dessert with Mitch at Max Brenner. So good! 12:50 AM August 18th

@hollywoodjane  In the first Jewish neighborhood outside Yafo. Shopping and lunch soon, and beach time later. 10:00 AM August 18th

@hollywoodjane  In Independence Hall, Tel Aviv, former house of the first mayor of the city, and the place where Ben Gurion declared the state of Israel. 2:11 PM August 18th

@hollywoodjane  On the beach in Tel Aviv. Feeling sick. :( 5:44 PM August 18th

@hollywoodjane  After a brutal day of flying (and an amazing bacon cheeseburger) I am finally home! Missed you, Los Angeles. 9:58 PM August 19th

I am not a nerd.

Let’s just clear up this little misconception right away. I am not a nerd – I am a geek, a proud one, and those terms are not interchangeable in my world. A person can be both a nerd and a geek.  They are not mutually exclusive, nor are they synonymous. Consider this your vocabulary lesson for the day.

Nerds do recreational calculus and speak binary. They’ve memorized the chemical composition for caffeine and for chocolate, and probably have both printed on a mug in their kitchen cabinet. They read encyclopedias for fun and can recite Pi to more than ten digits.

Nerds don’t make t-shirts like this and wear them in public, inviting thousands of strangers to stare at their boobs -

Nerds don’t spend three nights in a motel room the size of my cubicle with three other people because of a film, TV, and comic book convention.

Nerds don’t bounce so hard during the “Bad Horse Chorus” of Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog that the floor rolls and the room is at risk of plummeting to its doom.

Nerds might go to panels on Chuck (which features the Nerd Herd and resembles The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes) or Big Bang Theory (which is about physicists and engineers), but they probably wouldn’t get up at 5 a.m. to do it.  Early morning wake up calls are reserved for the launch of new Apple products.

Nerds don’t recognize ‘Woo Girl’ as a reference to one CBS sitcom made at the panel for another CBS sitcom.

Nerds probably don’t have the words to the Big Bang Theory theme song memorized, and probably can’t  sing along with a live performance from the Barenaked Ladies without a lyric cheat sheet.

Nerds don’t make their own jewelry and sell it online.

Nerds don’t attempt to cross from the San Diego Convention Center Ballroom 20 to the Hilton Bayfront Indigo Ballroom in fifteen minutes.

Nerds don’t listen to recognizable cartoon voiceover artists read a radio play of Cinderella and they certainly don’t see Jason Marsden on that panel and think, “I loved him on Step by Step.”

Nerds don’t decide that, as lovely as the collective cast and crew of Eureka are, they seem to be suffering from collective amnesia, particularly re: the first season finale.

Nerds don’t sport “Blue is Coming Back” scarves, or get stand in line to get them signed by Bill Willingham, Todd Klein, Chris Roberson, Steve Leialoha, and Chrissy Zullo of Fables fame.

Nerds don’t guilt-trip friends into attending the Supernatural panel.

Nerds don’t spend hours on the Exhibition Hall floor, sifting through half-price boxes, searching for the specific graphic novels to complete their collections.

Nerds don’t listen to ‘Carry On Wayward Son’ on a loop (and sing it at the top of their lungs) on the drive home because it’s the unofficial theme song of Supernatural.

Nerds don’t; geeks do. And I? Am a geek.

It’s that time of year again, and though I had hoped to finish Part 7 of Quest for Comic-Con before I leave for San Diego on Thursday, thanks to technical difficulties, chances are slim. Meanwhile, I thought I’d write down a few bits of advice for surviving the actual event.

Many of my friends are TV reporters, that is, people who report on the entertainment industry. So, in their case, this weekend is kinda gonna suck. They have to work, and they have to write about it, and they have to schedule interviews with already over-scheduled people, and pretty much run around non-stop. If you’re one of those lucky few, there’s not really much I can say – it’s going to be a bitch.

But for the rest of us, those who are going in fan capacity to get our geek on, I firmly believe there are steps that can be taken to improve the experience. You’ll still be completely wrecked by the end of it, but hopefully there’ll be fewer regrets.

Whether you’re already a pro or you’re popping your Con cherry, hopefully these tips will help you feel less like you’re getting fucked.

Comic-Con Tip #1: Don’t pick up your badge on preview night, or in the mornings.

Those of you with Preview Night memberships, more power to you. It’s gonna be hell. If you really need that super exclusive t-shirt, then go for it, but otherwise, what was once supposed to actually be a way to get your badge before the rush, has turned into a mob scene and a camp-out for Hall H. Me? I’ll see you mid-day Thursday.

The events in Hall H, in my opinion, are overrated, but that’s because any movie clips shown in there will be available on YouTube within a month, and while I’m probably going to see most of the films featured, I can wait. Some people can’t – their prerogative. Just determine your priorities from the outset, or you’ll never make it through.

Comic-Con Tip #2: Those nylon bags that fold up into a case which you can carry around with you are a total life-saver, and they’re environmentally friendly.

The large WB bags are coveted, but unless you’re over 6 ft. tall, they are a pain in the ass to fill and carry. Think of them as one more collectible, not an actual tote method.

Comic-Con Tip #3: Avoid the shuttle early in the morning and in the late afternoon. Buses don’t run as often in the wee hours, and by 6 you’re facing tons of traffic. If your hotel is close, better to take a taxi. The drivers know when the Con is in town, and seem reasonable.

Taxis and pedi-cabs will let you off wherever you want; shuttles are required to stop at certain points. The ten minutes it takes the shuttle to pull into its alloted slot could make all the difference inside the convention center.

Comic-Con Tip #4: Where Ballroom 20 is concerned, earlier is always better, and if you’re interested in a panel scheduled for the afternoon, better plan on sitting through some panels you might not care about.

This year’s scheduling is especially unkind, and some sacrifices will be made. I, personally, don’t want to sit through the panels for Caprica, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show, and more, but I might if I want to see The Big Bang Theory and Joss Whedon.

Comic-Con Tip #4a: If you leave Ballroom 20, don’t expect to get back in for hours – at best.

Comic-Con Tip #4b: There are people stationed at the back doors of Ballroom 20 who will give you bathroom passes so that you can leave the room without losing your seat, as long as you return before the next panel begins.

If you’re with a group who will fend off chair poachers, this is a great trick, but if you’re going solo, you’re going to have to rely on the kindness of strangers.

Comic-Con Tip #5: It’s all about the Con Karma. Do nice things for other fans, and it’ll come back for you.

Fortunately, Comic-Con is one place where you’re likely to find kind strangers. And the best way to ensure kindness from others, is to be kind in return. Cheesy, I know, but it works. There’s a magic in the air at Con, and the more good deeds you do for others, the better your luck will be.

Comic-Con Tip #6: With the possible exception of Johnny Depp, no one goes to Con hoping to be unrecognized.

Don’t be shy. There’s still a fine line between fan and fanatic, but if the line is blurred anywhere, it’s blurred at Con. Writers, actors, artists – if they know what’s good for them they are prepared to be seen and approached. So go for it! Those who aren’t “famous,” in particular, are usually very gracious.

Just keep in mind that they are experiencing the same stimuli overload you are. Just like you, they might be cranky because they haven’t had a meal. Or their hand is cramped from signing hundreds of autographs. Maintain perspective, and play it cool. Friendly, interested, admiring – all good adjectives. Stay away from scary, obsessive, and insane. At least during face-to-face contact.

Comic-Con Tip #7: Even if it weren’t late July in Southern California, it would be easy to dehydrate.

Bring a reusable bottle and fill it up at the hotel. You will be very, very thirsty. Not only are the water fountains questionable, they usually have lines. There are numerous stands where you can purchase snacks and drinks, but like most everything else, they can be pricy. If you’re on a budget, save your money for the good stuff.

Comic-Con Tip #8: Make friends. Take pictures.

This goes back to Con karma, but more than that, it’ll just make the entire process more enjoyable. You will be standing in a lot of lines, whether they’re to get into the building, into a room, or into the bathroom. Strike up conversations with strangers – I guarantee you’ll be able to find common ground.

Comic-Con Tip #9: Carry a notebook and print out some business cards.

Yes, there may be opportunities to network, if that’s your cup of tea, but I’m thinking more of the opportunities to get comics artists to doodle in your sketchbook, or to share your Twitter info with a new friend. I still regret not exchanging e-mails with that cute Australian boy who loved Doctor Who but resented Farscape because it featured an American in the lead.

Comic-Con Tip #10: Keep Calm and Comic On

Have fun. It’s amazing how many people forget this part. If you miss out on a big event, explore a smaller one. I stumbled into a room last year by coincidence that happened to be about the Farscape graphic novel. I introduced myself to Amy Berg, now co-executive producer for Eureka, at a panel on writing for television after recognizing the name on her badge from Leverage. I had a blast last year just hanging out with my friends, and I fully expect to do so again. There are a lot of cons to Con, but accept them as part of the bargain, and move on to the pros.

Some of my posts attract an incredible amount of spam. Most of it is uninteresting block texts of gibberish links, but in the last week I’ve been getting specific messages that seem to imply there is something seriously wrong with me. In addition to insinuations that I have erectile disfunction, and offers of motorcycle insurance (are Vespas covered?), it’s apparent that the internet is concerned with my rampant drug use.

Addicted to oxycodone while pregnant. You got me. You could have at least pretended it was a question and not an accusation.

Snorting tramadol. Well, sure who doesn’t enjoy a little recreational drug use?

Do not snort (inhale powder from crushed tablet) or inject the dissolved extended-release tablets. Taking this medication in a way that is not recommended may cause serious side effects or death.

U.S. National Library of Medicine
National Institutes of Health

Well, crap, I wish someone had said something sooner.

Free animal sex stories. After a night of snorting tramadol, there’s nothing like curling up in bed with a good animal sex story.

(This one was left on “There’s a God for That.” Irony win.)

Trial Maid Of Honor Speeches – Maid Of Respect Conversation Ideas. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that a tramadol-snorting, oxycodone-addicted mother-to-be who enjoys tales of animal sex is exactly the person every bride wants throwing her a bachelorette party. On the other hand, I fully support the renaming of Maid of Honor to Maid of Respect. Honor is so last century. (And then we  can pretend that Patrick Dempsey movie never existed.)

The Perception of Time. I was trying to figure out if someone was trying to sell me a clock, or merely the ‘suggestion’ of a clock, until I saw that this particular spam comment came from WordPress deciding my post on getting strong-armed into charity was somehow related to a geometry-themed post over at GolfSwingAnalyzer[dot]org. Other related blogs included:

• Isaiah 33: 14-16—“Sinners in Zion are terrified; trembling has seized the godless. Who among us can live with the consuming fire? Who among us can live with continual burning? He who walks righteously and speaks with sincerity, he who rejects unjus
• Donald Trump News and Information » Blog Archive » Donald Trump Network Marketing Opportunity – Will This Be A Waste Of Time?
• Leap Year Cocktail « Cold Glass
• Turning Points: Israel Caves Under Flotilla Pressure : Veterans Today
• Night At The Roxbury – Bill Gates | US Post Today.
• Pot Belly Pigs – Tips on Caring For Your Pot Belly Pig | ThePetWorld ‘s Blog

Honestly not sure what to do with that.

A couple of weeks ago, my mother and I went to see Prince of Persia. (Stop judging me, I thought it would be funny – which it was, just not on purpose.) The worst part wasn’t even the terrible script, the egregious miscasting, or inexplicable dullness of the “action scenes.” (Why was so much of that movie in slow motion?)

It was the previews.

As trailers go, they were pretty standard. Some of the movies looked promising, even exciting. But they all had one thing in common…

Every single trailer that played before the video-game inspired Prince of Persia was based on some other source material. And worse, I could identify them all without necessarily having seen said source material:  Legends of the Guardians? Based on a young adult novel series. Eclipse? Sequel based on a crappy book. The Karate Kid? Unnecessary remake. Scott Pilgrim? Graphic novel. The Last Airbender? Nickelodeon anime. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice? Based (albeit loosely) on a segment from Fantasia.

And when I thought about it later, I realized that almost every single big-studio film released this year was the same. How will they find enough movies to fill the Best Original Screenplay category at the Oscars?

Sadly, this is not news. Hollywood’s been scraping the bottom of the barrel for awhile now, desperately ‘re-booting’ whatever franchise they can get their hands on, or else rooting through old toy chests their mothers stored in the attic because, hey, there’s licensing to be had.

And here’s where I’m torn. As a writer, I’m disgusted and horrified by the lack of original scripts, the way the film industry oozes desperation but won’t try anything new, the fact that someone has bought the rights to make a Slinky movie. (And while we wait Lego: The Movie, I’m holding out for Playdoh: The Spectacular.)

But as a fan, how could I not be excited about this?

Or this?

Those two trailers make me happy as only geek stuff can. I enjoyed Iron Man 2, can’t wait to see Toy Story 3, and was even looking forward to The Last Airbender before I found out there were almost no Asian actors playing the Asian characters. One of my all time favorite movies is Clue, for god’s sake – proof that you can actually make a good movie based off of a board game (Fingers crossed for Candyland and Monopoly.) Pirates of the Caribbean was inspired by a Disney theme park ride!

Though I frequently find them lacking, I usually go to adaptations so that I can see things I’ve only imagined realized on screen. Trouble there is that, usually, the movies get it wrong. But that can be enjoyable too. I’ve spent plenty of time telling anyone who’ll listen (and more people who aren’t actually listening) my problems with the Harry Potter series. Let’s face it, I like complaining about them almost as much as I like being pleasantly surprised when something’s well done.

All I’m really saying is that Hollywood needs to tone it down. For one thing, screenwriting is already a hard enough market to get into. In fact, it’s a black hole of despair, a retched hive of scum and villainy. If all that gets produced is big-budget, big-name items, then new screenwriters aren’t the ones writing them. An unsigned writer does not pitch the Gilligan’s Island movie to Warner Brothers. Those screenplays are pitched to writers with some credits under their belts, writers who have the luxury of refusing.

I think remakes should be shelved all together, certainly on films that haven’t been around for more than three decades. I’m trying to think of a recent remake that is a significant contribution to our popular culture in and of itself – and failing. If they got it right the first time… I mean, I enjoyed Lindsey Lohan’s Parent Trap and Freaky Friday (before she pulled a Britney), but if neither of those movies existed, would my life be any the worse for it? No.

Then there’s also the small problem that in their rush to make movies based on childhood icons and cash in, the studios are forgetting one teensy-weensy little component: a plot. It’s almost as if they’re forgetting that they’re supposed to be making a movie, and not a two-hour commercial.

Wait…

Edited to add: In rereading this post, I realize that I forgot The Mummy (one of my all-time favorites) is, in fact, a remake. So, my bad. It can be done well. But in defense of my own accidental hypocrisy, the 1999 version of The Mummy is a pretty different beast than the 1932 Mummy. Let’s agree that remakes are unnecessary unless they bring something new to the table, okay?

It occurred to me as I was watching YouTube videos this morning, that I don’t really share the amusing and entertaining things I find online. This oversight can most likely be attributed to mad jealousy. I hate all of you talented internet people. You and your global popularity, just because you’re “funny,” or “skilled,” or “clever,” or at all competent with a video camera and a computer. Damn you all.

But why should my resentment of talented youngsters who aren’t me keep you from seeing them and sharing my envy? So here are some people from the interwebs whom I alternately adore and resent for being young, multi-talented, and beloved by thousands:

This is Alex. Alex reads Twilight.

This is Charlie, Alex’s flatmate. Charlie accepts challenges.

Alex and Charlie are total geeks, and fans of Doctor Who in particular. They write songs about it.

Alex, Charlie, and two more of their musically-inclined mates have started a band.

This is Amber. Amber should work for Pixar.

This is Hunter. Hunter pretends to be Sir Ian McKellen.

It occurs to me that many of these wonderfully funny or strange people I come across are male. Where the funny ladies at? If anyone has something magical to share that was done by a woman, please link it in the comments.

This morning, I was inadvertently forced to buy a man a chocolate croissant.

It started out like any other morning. I walked down to the Coffee Bean for my morning mocha latte, past the old man in dirty camouflage clothing with his little cattle dog mutt who sat in one of the patio chairs; past the possibly-Arabic, possibly-Russian man and the hipster artist, both of whom were smoking like pork on a barbecue; through the doors, past the assortment of yuppies and punks, heading for the counter and one of my regular baristas, Syd.

Only to be waylaid by a man I had taken to be a typical beach bum, cotton t-shirt and shorts, a badly sun-burnt nose. He had been in conversation with two exec-types, I’d thought, and I paid no attention until he turned to me.

“Mumble, mumble…trying to get a cup of coffee,” he said, or something to that effect, eyes a little wide, like a man in caffeine withdrawal. “Mumble, mumble…get some change?”

This guy didn’t seem like your typical homeless. He seemed perfectly cognizant, fit, and no less clean than your average Venice skater dude. Normally the pan-handlers canvass the outer fringes of the cafe, they don’t usually come inside unless they’ve scrounged up enough coin for a cappuccino.

“Uh, I don’t have any change,” I said, which was true. I didn’t know how to react I have issues with confrontation.

“That’s okay,” he replied, but as I stepped up to order my drink, he followed. I froze up.

“What can I get you?” Syd asked, as I approached, trying to figure out if the man expected me to buy him a cup of coffee. Awkward, but it couldn’t hurt. I didn’t know his situation, and as a caffiend myself, I understood the desperation. Still, the aggressive move threw me off.

“Uh, a small mocha latte,” I said, and my other regular barista, Edith, who was ringing me up, asked, “Will that be it today?”

Before I could answer, the man behind me said, “And a chocolate croissant.”

WTF?

That was pretty much all I was thinking. What the hell had just happened? I exchanged a glance with Edith at the register, and sort of half-shrugged, half-nodded. What was I supposed to do? Deny the man a baked good? Scream about being robbed? I didn’t want to make a scene.

After I’d handed my credit card over to be swiped, he took his pastry and bolted, and I just stood, waiting for my mocha, trying to make casual conversation with Syd, my head swimming. It had all happened so fast. And aside from being two dollars poorer, I wasn’t any the worse for wear, though I couldn’t help feeling like I’d just been taken advantage of.

I hate being accosted for money or goods, or guilted into charity. I realize that if some people had to wait for others to get in a giving mood, they might not survive, but it makes me uncomfortable when there’s pressure to be a good samaritan. I get more pleasure out of being generous when it’s sincere, when it’s my choice. I already feel guilty enough for being a college-educated, middle-class white chick supported by her parents – and then I’m get angry about feeling guilty. I really don’t need the guilt trip from strangers on the street.

I want to do more, to give more, to be more charitable. But I’m afraid of giving too much. There’s just so much wrong with the world, too many needs. I think part of my fear comes from watching my old drama teacher, who’s about the most selfless person I know. She gives everything she has to other living creatures, be they man or beast, but doesn’t look out for herself. At all. To the point where she’s always on the edge of bankruptcy, can’t afford insurance of any kind, barely eats, and probably doesn’t sleep. I know I don’t have to take generosity to that extreme, but I’m still searching for my happy medium.

I remember being out with my grandmother one day when I was a kid, when a homeless person asked her for some money to buy food. Homeless people have always made me uncomfortable. I don’t have a good reason for it, just a gut reaction, and an instinct to avoid. It’s not exactly something I’m proud of.

“I won’t give you the money,” my grandmother said to the man, while I hid behind her, “but I’ll buy you some lunch.”

And she bought him a slice of pizza, and we went on our way. I wish I had her confidence. I get in these situations and my over-active imagination starts racing, like if I don’t do something, I’m a terrible, horrible person, another heartless bitch in the big city, as spoiled as I secretly know I am.

I don’t think I would have had a problem buying the man this morning a cup of coffee if he’d just asked for it. It was the strange assumption that I would just pay for whatever he ordered that bewildered me. Then he didn’t even order coffee.

Seriously, a chocolate croissant?

Hollywood Jane comments on the alarming disturbance in the Force that threatens this year’s Comic-Con (a.k.a., my first vlog, in which I pretend to be a cheesy news anchor.)

I’ve been watching a lot of Max Headroom.

My first year of blogging went by in a flash – so quickly that I didn’t even notice when my blog-a-versary came and went. This year, I had a little more time to prepare, and decided I was going to celebrate with a giveaway. Since the 2nd anniversary is traditionally the cotton anniversary, I thought I’d give a limited edition Quest for Comic-Con t-shirt to one lucky reader.

THE RULES

• To enter for your chance to win, just comment on this entry with your name and e-mail address.
• Winner will be selected at random on Saturday, June 12th by a handy little plug-in I discovered last week, and contacted for mailing address and size preference. That’s one week to throw your proverbial hat in the ring, people.
• Open to U.S. and Canada residents only. Sorry, foreign fans, but I can’t afford the postage.

And to sweeten the pot, I’ll throw in a surprise uGeek item. So be sure to mention in the comments what makes your inner geek squee.